<p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">黃帝今年24歲了，在舊金山優(yōu)步總部任軟件工程師。7年前的今天，黃帝高中畢業(yè)考進(jìn)洛杉磯加大計(jì)算機(jī)系，這篇文章是他寫給我的離家禮物??</h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">我相信天下母親的愿望都是美好的：孩子們?nèi)琥椪钩嵘向v，前程如宇宙般遼闊輝煌。然而，現(xiàn)實(shí)很骨感，母親們常常不被孩子們理解，弄出了很多的不愉快。希望黃帝的文字能夠幫助母親們明白：所有的努力都不會(huì)被辜負(fù)。加油??</h3> <p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">My mother and I</h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">By Xuan Yuan Huang</h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">When our father died, responsibility for my younger brother and I fell upon our bereaved mother. Our mother was the product of the Chinese Cultural Revolution, a period of severe economic hardship; scarcity was hardly new to her. But we two children had grown up in a fairly cushy lifestyle supported by dad, an accomplished engineer, and were yanked off our feet by sudden austerity. It was her unwavering support that not only allowed us to survive but also made me who I am today.</h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">我父親因肝癌歿了，留下5歲的我和4歲的弟弟，生活的重?fù)?dān)壓在了我們勇敢的母親肩上。母親成長(zhǎng)于中國(guó)文革時(shí)期，艱難困苦中玉汝于成。然而，弟弟和我出生于美國(guó)洛杉磯，父親是收入頗豐的航太工程師，家庭生活優(yōu)渥。感謝母親堅(jiān)定不移地努力付出，我們家浴火重生，走出了絕境。</h3> <p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961);">As a naive child, every time my mom refused to buy something, I presumed her action to be a personal attack. Over time, however, I grew to understand the limitations of a part-time, single mother's resources. She was not denying me – she was allocating her limited funds in what she thought was the best way possible. In time, I myself learned financial responsibility and gained an appreciation for the costs of life, both capital and labor, temporal and emotional.</span><br></h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">小時(shí)候，每當(dāng)母親拒絕買我喜歡的東西時(shí)，我真是備受傷害。長(zhǎng)大后，我才慢慢明白為什么母親每周都會(huì)有生活預(yù)算，因?yàn)橹挥羞@樣，一個(gè)寡婦才能用有限的收入養(yǎng)大她的兩個(gè)幼兒。母親的言傳身教，使我更加明白自己的社會(huì)責(zé)任和理財(cái)技巧：君子愛財(cái)，取之有道。</h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></h3> <p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">That was not the only lesson my mother taught, however. Even her relatively liberal application of discipline was an educational experience. Around fifth grade, I became questioning enough to ask why she restricted me so. Rather than demanding silent obedience, she decided I was old enough and explained that her discipline was not arbitrary but rather tough love, with my own improvement always the end goal. It dawned upon me that my feelings were hardly the only relevant ones. That lesson on empathy was later supplemented by my own reading and gave rise to my life philosophy. People, like Rousseau argued, are fundamentally good, and there are usually honest motivations and genuine feelings behind their actions that should be appreciated.</h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">母親的教育總是不容易接受的。我犯錯(cuò)時(shí)，母親會(huì)讓我趴在沙發(fā)上，用手打自己的屁股十下（她不忍心動(dòng)手）。差不多是小學(xué)五年級(jí)時(shí)，我開始反抗、拒絕體罰自己。母親流著眼淚解釋給我聽：你是長(zhǎng)子，父親不在了，家庭的未來和希望全靠你了。吃得苦中苦，方為人上人。母親的意思是，體罰也是一種愛。我開始大量閱讀各種心理學(xué)書籍，試圖找到理論依據(jù)來反駁母親。呵呵，爭(zhēng)論至今仍未止息，但有一點(diǎn)是明確的：任何人愿意花時(shí)間來教導(dǎo)我們，都是值得感恩的。</h3> <p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">The importance of empathy was further reinforced by a Chinese concept my mom made sure I learned, “buhaoyisi”. Although generally an apology for asking another to shoulder a burden, “buhaoyisi” literally means “bad meaning”. “Buhaoyisi” thus paints burdening others in a negative light. This is the flip side of empathy; it is not enough to just recognize others' good intentions. One must also foster them by not unduly burdening others. From this comes the conclusion that one has a responsibility to contribute to the society he or she lives in.</h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">“換位思考”的概念被母親在生活中反復(fù)強(qiáng)調(diào)，絕不能濫用“不好意思”，因?yàn)槊總€(gè)人都有自己的難處。凡事必須竭盡全力所能，求人不如求己。</h3> <p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961);">My mom and I have very different personalities and perspectives on life, to the point that nowadays we rarely see eye-to-eye. However, my mother's influence on how I live my life is irrefutable. Perhaps in a manner she did not realize, she taught me thrift, empathy, and the importance of being a valuable member of society.</span><br></h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">母親好動(dòng)，我好靜。我們對(duì)待生活的態(tài)度也越來越不一樣。我們現(xiàn)在很少面對(duì)面地促膝長(zhǎng)談。然而，母親是影響和改變我生活的第一人，她教育我成為勤儉、感恩和對(duì)社會(huì)有用的人。</h3> <h3>題外話</h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">常常聽到母親們抱怨孩子不聽話，問我是怎么做到的。方法一：三歲以前絕不假手于他人。這段時(shí)間培養(yǎng)出來的“母子連心”可以保證孩子對(duì)母親在心理上的依賴，是“聽話”的精神基礎(chǔ)，所謂“打斷骨頭連著筋”。方法二：培養(yǎng)孩子讀書的興趣和習(xí)慣，鼓勵(lì)孩子用知識(shí)武裝自己，充實(shí)“不聽話”的財(cái)力基礎(chǔ)。</h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">如果孩子一生下來就讓奶媽和保姆照顧；稍微會(huì)走路了，就被送進(jìn)了幼兒園。十幾年后，要求孩子聽父母的話？可能嗎？</h3><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; white-space: normal; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">事實(shí)上，所有產(chǎn)婦都有奶，量少的可以借助催奶按摩解困。一個(gè)母親，為了保持良好身材曲線，寧愿喂孩子奶粉 = 表明她不愛自己的孩子。如果你的老婆，連自己的孩子都不愛，你覺得她對(duì)你的愛會(huì)是真的嗎？</h3>